The Idol's release has rehashed my love for fictional pop stars. Sure, Jocelyn (Lily-Rose Depp) didn't really give us much, but the thought of what could have been has left me yearning and reflecting on the pop stars of fiction's past and present.
From classics like Hannah Montana to newcomers like Jocelyn, the fictional pop star is a staple character trope, constantly blessing us with bangers and backstories that elicit a level of fangirling that's almost identical to the real deal. Naturally, as one does when they enter a rabbit hole of hyperfixation, I've decided to rank and list all the fictional pop stars I grew up watching, all of whom I still wish were real.
Now, an important disclaimer needs to be said. There's a thin line between fictional pop stars and fictional bands, and I've decided to limit this list to solo acts — pop stars akin to Rihanna, Britney Spears, or Beyoncé. If I were to include bands, then this list would eventually haveto include the cast of Glee, which hopefully is enough of a caveat for my case.
That being said, honorable mentions to fictional bands must be bestowed. 4*Town, Josie and the Pussycats, The Wonders, Daisy Jones and the Six, the Dreamettes — we thank you for your music. Now, without further ado, let's get into it.
Credit: Eddy Chen/HBO Pros:"World Class Sinner"is an absolute bop. While I'm not a huge fan of her at-home attire, I must admit that her pink outfit for the "World Class Sinner" music video shoot was absolutely divine and perfectly leaned into this summer's hottest trend, Barbiecore. She's supposedly the Britney Spears of her generation, and while we don't really get to see much of that, I must recognize.
Cons:I have no idea why Jocelyn's famous. She likes Tedros (Abel Tesfaye). If we got to see more of Jocelyn actually being a pop star, perhaps she would have earned a higher ranking on this list.
Credit: Screenshot NetflixPros:If you didn't grow up watching The Fairly OddParents,let alone the Chip Skylark (voiced by Chris Kirkpatrick of *NSYNC) episodes, I hate to tell you that you missed out on an icon. "My Shiny Teeth and Me"has unquestionably been stuck in my head for the last 15 years of my life. I owe all my dental hygiene to Chip.
Cons: The goatee needs to go. His discography is criminally limited. He's also way too obsessed with singing about hygiene — must I remind you of "Icky Vicky,"admittedly another banger? — but his fans deserved more of a range of topics.
Credit: Screenshot Disney+Pros:"Try Everything"is an excellent song. Her two-piece pink set is gorgeous. She's literally Shakiraif she were a gazelle.
Cons:I'm not sure how well a singing gazelle that sounds exactly like Shakira would fare in our world. It would definitely make for a great tour, but I worry about the fur. I feel like Gazelle's styling options are also limited, and she seems to only have one bop under her belt (give us Zootopia 2!).
Credit: Niko Tavernise/NetflixPros:Riley Bina (played by actual pop star Ariana Grande) only got a couple of minutes of screen time in Adam McKay's Don't Look Up, and yet she ate those minutes right up. Her outfits were worthy of the Met Gala. Her song "Just Look Up"was a catchy bop that rightly advocated for climate change awareness in our world. In Riley's own words, "Get your head out of your ass, listen to the goddamn qualified scientists. We really fucked it up, fucked it up this time. It's so close, I can feel the heat big time." And I'm unashamedly part of her Vroom Vroom Army.
Cons:Her fanbase is called the Vroom Vroom Army. Also fine with being proposed to on live television.
Credit: Screenshot Prime VideoPros:Envy Adams(played by Brie Larson) is the definition of a queer awakening. She's the queen of serving edgy vampire realness. Her cover of Metric's "Black Sheep"remains an absolute banger. I wish she was real.
Cons:Clearly, she's kind of a toxic partner. Also, does she have any original songs?
Credit: Screenshot Disney+Pros:The duet performed by Lizzie and Isabella (both played by Hilary Duff) of "What Dreams Are Made Of"shaped an entire generation. No words I say could ever describe just how iconic Isabella's "Sing to me, Paolo!" is. I'm also a big fan of her commitment to green faux leather. She is the early 2000s personified.
Cons: Does Isabella ever perform outside of Italy? Where's the world tour?
Credit: Chris Reel/Prime VideoPros:She's literally Beyoncé in another universe. Do yourself a favor and keep track of all the Renaissancevisualsin Ni'jah's (Nirine S. Brown) music video for "Festival", and soon you'll understand why Dre (Dominique Fishback) did what she had to do.
Cons:How would I ever dare speak badly of Ni'jah? We all know what would happen after that.
Credit: Neal Preston / Warner Bros.Pros:It's Gaga. I fear that's all that needs to be said.
Cons:Listening to "Shallow"now feels more like a burden than a joy. Please don't play it at your weddings.
Credit: Graham Bartholome/NetflixPros:The purple wig. The tragic backstory. The perfectly pink, futuristic visuals. Ashley O (played by none other than Miley Cyrus) has it all. Now, is theBlack Mirrorepisode Ashley's featured in another great example of the show filling us with existential dread? Yes, it is. But does it also offer a creeping, subtle commentary on Cyrus's own life and her alter ego, Hannah Montana, all while also giving us another iconic fictional pop star with bops you can never skip? Yes, it does. Ashley O 4ever.
Cons:I needed more songs besides "On A Roll."Give us the tunes! Give us her whole album!
Credit: Disney/Kobal/ShutterstockPros: Are you even surprised? Miley Cyrus has contributed not one but two fictional pop stars to our list, including — especially — the good ol' girl from Tennessee. Hannah Montana raised an entire generation. She has meant something so profoundly to every kid who grew up watching Disney Channel. But emotional fluff aside, out of all the pop stars on this list, Hannah's the only with an entire world of albums and a discography that actually led to her own tour in real life.
"He Could Be the One" is still the greatest love song of all time. "The Best of Both Worlds" is still the best karaoke song of all time. "I Got Nerve," "Nobody's Perfect," "Ordinary Girl" — the list is endless. Hannah Montana is thefictional pop star. She's theblueprint. And just like she promised us in 2010, we'll always remember her.
Cons:None. Not even the Season 3 wig.
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